April 12th, 2008


"Children in the backseat cause accidents
Accidents in the backseat cause children."

I had my first automotive accident today.

Blardey hell it's not my fault. It happened as I was cautiously turning into the lane that leads to my neighbourhood.

Now a little background about this lane. It is near to a major T-junction along Old Klang Road with traffic lights to regulate the flow of vehicles. To get to the lane you have to hang a right at this junction and make a rather sharp turn and viola you're in my 'hood.

Naturally, if you have even an iota of driving experience, you'd know that at a traffic lighted crossroads when the lights for you are green, you're allowed to move in the following directions:

Me is the bluey car.

The diagram above is a very much simplified version of the junction at my place. There are three lanes for both directions, so it really is a major intersection.

Thus sometimes some smart motherfucking motorbikers will decide that since there are two lanes for oncoming traffic to turn into the right-bound road, they can break the law and run the lights.

Of course I'm aware of this. Thus I always slow down as I move through the junction and inch towards the left to get to my lane. Turn signals are mandatorily flashing like a perverted old man at a girls' school.

As a I guessed one smart motherfucker motorbiker ran the red lights. I let him pass thinking I'm such a good model motorist for being preemptively aware of smart motherfuckers.

Unfortunately I wasn't aware of a second smart motherfucker motorbiker. Just as I was about to turn into my lane, the asshole hit the side of my car like a torpedo jacked up on steroids.

I lowered the passenger side window and yelled at the rider, the sole offspring of a mating between a gorilla and a toilet bowl.


No response. I blame it on his heritage - a toilet bowl gives me the same dumb founded stare.

Grr. Standard procedure: Stop by the side of the road to settle.

Now if you've clearly broken the law and damaged some dude's car, what would you do?

If you're a civilised person you'd offer to compensate.

Unfortunately as I've already mentioned, this is no civilised person. How civilised can you be if your mental development stopped even before your dad's sperm fertilised your mom's egg?

The motherfucker ran.


I got his license plate down at least. My dad says since the damage is minor and there's no way to book the motherfucker cause it's my word against his there's no use making a report.

Lanciao. If I find his bike Imma stick a rag in his gas tank and light it.

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